Bat out of Hell

Learn Chinese

The guy in the middle is keeping "the finger" to himself:

What? A Topless Women...

I thought you had like a

greeting card with a

topless woman on it

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Calories burnt for various sexual tasks

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent....................... 12 Calories
Without her consent.................... 187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........................ 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
With your teeth........................ 85 Calories
With your teeth through her shirt.....108 Calories

PUTTING ON THE CONDOM:
With an erection....................... 6 Calories
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary..................................... 12 Calories
69 lying down............................... 78 Calories
69 standing up............................. 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow................................ 216 Calories
Doggy Style............................ .....326 Calories
Italian chandelier. (just look it up).. 912 Calories

ORGASMING:
Real................................... 112 Calories
False.................................. 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
40-49 years............................ 124 Calories
50-59 years............................ 972 Calories
60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
70 and over......................... Results are still pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly................................. 32 Calories
In a hurry............................. 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories

Girl Of The Month

Keep your mobile with you .... otherwise....?????

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it 's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It 's only Rs.10,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "Rs95,00,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They 're asking Rs.75 ,50,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 70,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I 'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....


He smiles and asks:



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"Anyone knows whose this mobile belongs to?"